So here's my story:
I want to run. I want to run down the streets of Auburn. I want to run a marathon. I want to run away to Africa and chill with the kids. I want to run and serve. I just want to run.
So Jesus tells us to deny ourselves, to take up our crosses and follow Him. I want to lose my life. I don't want to worry about my life; what I will eat or drink, what I wear. I want to leave this life of everything just handed to me. I want to go to a third world country and serve those families. I feel like I can't live a life of complacency, of mediocrity. I either want to feel safe in my riches or lose it all and have nothing but Jesus and people to serve. I have experienced the burden of money. How cool would it be to have everything we need: Jesus, a few clothes, enough food to give us the energy to serve, a few books, and clean water.
Why go to Africa? Why not just do it here? I want to start over. A life of nothing that provides everything in the end; rather than having everything in the beginning and nothing at the end. I desire to know the heart of Christ. I don't have to go to a third world country to find it, I know. I'd like to though. At least one with clean water.
But do I go? Do I carry my cross? Do I leave my worry behind... even while I'm in Auburn? Do I run? No. In my mind, that's not OK.
1 day ago