Update Numero Uno

First of all - a VERY Happy Mother's Day to each and every single woman that has lived their lives as a wholehearted servant dedicated to their children. I am so thankful for my mom and everything that she means to me. I could never ask for a more beautiful woman to follow in the footsteps of one day. Sure, we've had our ups and downs and bickerings here and there - but she is, by far, the closest and dearest best friend I have in my life. To be even a morsel like her as a mother will speak words to my children AND my husband - and they will be deeply blessed. I wasn't able to spend this day in honor of her WITH her because of work / the distance barrier, but I took off work this upcoming Wednesday through Sunday so I can spend it with her (and the rest of my family, of course) and play with all of the new things we've learned in the world of art! I will put up pictures of our Mother's Day celebration in a few days. I can't wait! 

In the meantime, I must deeply apologize for neglecting my blogsite this semester. It's been pretty rough with classes and, well, life, so thanks for your patience. With that being said, I am so thankful for this semester - even though it entailed the most intense growth period I've ever encountered in my life. Some of you are thinking... "Right, 21 years... you've got A LOT more to grow and encounter." This, my friends, is so true. And as tough as it's been on my heart and even mental state, it's been sooo good. The Lord has been faithful in refining me and showing me His truth. Therefore, this has turned out to be the most beautiful season of my life. My roommate, Hannah, encouraged me to read 1 Peter because she saw my heart in it as she read it. In chapter 5, verse 11, Peter says, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." Please don't jump to assumptions that my sufferings entailed that of physical suffering or ridicule or loss of someone that I hold dear - rather, it was suffering from a mental state, a disease - the disease of doubt and of heartache. That - that - is a disease I would never wish upon anyone. The Lord is still in the process of healing it - but as Peter said, He has been and will continue to be faithful in restoring, confirming, strengthening and establishing me. What a beautiful promise! Through this restoration, He has brought people into my life that have been deeply encouraging - people that I have no clue how I've even lived without until this point - people who I joke around about, but truly believe that they are my soul mates - not the "man-husband-like" soul mates, but the soul mates who know your heart just by looking at your face and know to sit and listen rather than try to solve the problems. For each of you, I am eternally grateful for the confidante and safe place you have been for me. 

Now that the semester is over, I need to share with you my "adventures" since final exams. I wish I could say I travelled to great lands and stood under the most extravagant waterfalls, in awe of the One who created them. Rather, I've travelled into the depths of my imagination - which is always pretty adventurous - and delved into the interior of the right-side of my brain. First, I finished the book "Noah's Ark" by Judy Baer. Know, that if you start to get into the Chick Lit genre, you will most likely be criticized because it's a romance novel. Sure, there is a handsome hunk involved that sweeps the girl off her feet - but normally, the girl is too busy with her focus on the Savior that she barely even realizes the guy's around. If you're into the sappy retreats from reality, here's a little teaser from the end of the book - but I won't give away any names.... "I don't know how God manages these things but He knew _____ and I needed to be together and He let nothing stand in the way. It took a while, of course, and it wasn't without trauma, but the results are definitely worth the wait." I'm not much for receiving Truth from fictional books, but I sincerely believe that statement. If God intends for it to happen, He'll make it happen - there will be tough times, refining times, but when it's in His plans, it will happen. There are the cheesy statements too. The statements that classify it as those "that will probably never happen, and if it did... well, I might think the guy was joking" statements: "Norah, if I'm going to be set adrift at sea on an ark, there's no one I'd rather travel with than you." Regardless, it's an incredible book and I had a pretty difficult time putting it down - but then again, I go weak for books like this. 

I decided to do a small series of paintings called "transition" because there are so many people in my life going through... well, transitions. Some are taking it well, and others are having a terribly tough time with it. College draws in way too many opportunities for people to journey in and out of your life and I'm sad to say that there are a few special people that are - or will be - doing that within the next few months. Some are moving to near cities like Birmingham or Atlanta... and then others will be moving to the other side of the world - Hong Kong. To each of you - I will miss you terribly. I cherish you but am so proud of the steps you are pursuing in your lives. May the transitions in your life bring you joy and an abundant life in our Savior. 

And finally... these are a few sketches from my sketchbook I've been working on. Nothing too big - just a few starting steps and inspiration for the future pieces I'll actually have time to work on this summer!! Yay! 

And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Isaiah 6:7

Today, Jesus set me free skepticism, from doubt, and from a shaken faith. And for that, I am thankful. Fortunately, we see His salvation among people often because He is a living God… He sets us free from sin, from the chains that weigh us down so heavily from a life of grace and redemption. I have been waiting for this day for months. A day that He would break me, that I would shed tears over how abounding in grace He is and how much He has entangled me in that same grace. The day that I would come to the end of myself, my logic, and soar freely in the faith He has showered on me. He has brought me out of my Egypt and I can shout, “His love endures forever” without holding back. I know the full truth of that. I always hoped that this freedom would be between just God and me – not at a church, not because of what a friend said… but just words spoken directly from God to my soul. Well, it did happen at my church today, and I find goodness in that. As much as I let pride control my life, it was obviously in God’s plan to shatter my heart today… at church… because He does use that vessel, that catalyst, to speak to us. It was also a way of, once again, breaking down my pride. Pastor Chris Hodges reminded us that God doesn’t want us to feel condemned; He desires for us to be free in His love and find satisfaction in that. Romans 8:1-2 says, “Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit set me free from the law of sin and death.” Our Redeemer doesn’t want us to be burdened by the yoke of any type of slavery, and mine was skepticism. It was at that moment, God brought me out of the wilderness, the dry land and set me free. I have been praying this chapter over my life, waiting on Him to refine me and to bring me back into a life of purpose and pursuit:

The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;

the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;

it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing.

The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,

the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.

They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God.

Strengthen the weak hands, 

and make firm the feeble knees.

Say to those who have an anxious heart,

“Be strong; fear not!

Behold, your God

will come with vengeance,

with the recompense of God.

He will come and save you.”

Then the eyes of the blond shall be opened,

and the ears of the deaf unstopped;

then shall the lame man leap like a deer:

and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.

For waters break forth in the wilderness;

and streams in the desert;

the burning sand shall become a pool,

and the thirsty ground springs of water,

in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,

the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

And a highway shall be there 

and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;

the unclean shall not pass over it.

It shall belong to those who walk on the way;

even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.

No lion shall be there,

not shall any ravenous beast come up on it;

they shall not be found there,

but the redeemed shall walk there.

And the ransomed of the Lord shall return

and come to Zion with singing;

everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; 

they shall obtain gladness and joy,

and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Isaiah 35

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On another note, my sorority had our formal Friday night and I wanted to share some pictures with you. My date was awesome and we completely danced the night away. I was really nervous about taking him, because we realized after I asked him that we had A LOT of differing views in the perspectives of politics, humor, religion, and alcohol. We were able to look beyond that and managed to have an awesome time regardless. It was really cool to take him because he hadn't been to any type of formal occasion since his Junior Prom (6 years). I think it meant a lot to him to have the chance to go. He was so excited about wearing a tuxedo and all. Although the night was great, we got back onto the bus and I was quickly reminded how thankful was that I took a guy that respected me as a woman and knew his alcoholic limits. I was deeply disappointed in the girls' dates because of their crude language and how wasted they were. It took everything in me to not turn around and tell the girl behind me how sorry I felt for her because of the way her date was talking to her. I would have if I didn't think he would punch me in the face... he's one of "those" guys it seemed. 

I'm a terrible blogger...

Hi Everyone! 

I'm sorry I'm such a terrible blogger and can't seem to write more often! School has been keeping me incredibly busy but I've definitely had some fun too!! Last weekend, Chris Freeze came to Auburn. It's been 4 years since the last time we've physically seen each other. We met at a journalism convention in South Carolina and have kept in touch ever since... through phone and video chat. He lives in Myrtle Beach and just decided to come down Valentine's Day weekend! Luckily, I had a Crush Party social the night he came into town so it was a pleasure having him as my date. It made me so happy - he wore the matching felt heart pin I made him! When I say he wore it, I mean he wore it with pride. He then wore it on Valentine's Day and made sure to take it home with him back to SC. Of course, Laura came too!! 

  

I'm not sure if you can tell from the pictures, but Chris absolutely spoiled me the entire weekend. It's weird, you know - to experience how a guy should treat you and know that it's right. We joked around and said he was my boyfriend for 3 days. He even bought me a birthday present but left it at home (I can't help but believe him)... so he insisted on buying me this rockin' awesome umbrella I saw at Target. I fell in love with it. I went to buy it but he wouldn't let me. 

  

so we took pictures in the Winn-Dixie parking lot with the clear umbrella and our fantastic sunglasses.... at night. :)

These are a few snapshots from our photo booth session. 

One of the best parts? He serenaded me practically all weekend! He's a great guitarist! He even took me to the guitar shop to get mine repaired, cleaned up, and got new guitar strings. Elixirs. He learned a couple of my favorite songs that I sing and we jammed together for a while. Unfortunately, I was sick; therefore the voice was struggling. We still had fun. 

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So my friend, Kevin, who I call "Texas" to everyone but him sent me a pair of Vans... It's kind of been a 2-year process so I was pumped when he sent them!! The deal was if he finally got me the Vans, then I would paint him a picture... This was it. It was pretty big. Also expensive to ship - but I think it was worth it. It portrays one of his favorite songs - Deathbed by Relient K - which is a story of redemption. I put a picture of Texas on there ... I'm not sure if he's down with that, but I thought it was cool. Currently, it's hanging in his apartment I think. 

  

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This is one of my great friends/co-workers, John. He's awesome. We took these pictures one night when business was slow so I thought I'd share them with you. He's such a model.

 

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Finally, this is Laura and me. She's the coolest. Her and Courtney are my two closest friends in Auburn and I don't know how I would make it without them. When I was going through my rough time, Laura called me and took me to go get my nails done (it's great being a girl) - and she made me a "Whitney's Be OK cd." She's so cool and I'm so thankful for her. 

Run

So here's my story:

I want to run. I want to run down the streets of Auburn. I want to run a marathon. I want to run away to Africa and chill with the kids. I want to run and serve. I just want to run.

So Jesus tells us to deny ourselves, to take up our crosses and follow Him. I want to lose my life. I don't want to worry about my life; what I will eat or drink, what I wear. I want to leave this life of everything just handed to me. I want to go to a third world country and serve those families. I feel like I can't live a life of complacency, of mediocrity. I either want to feel safe in my riches or lose it all and have nothing but Jesus and people to serve. I have experienced the burden of money. How cool would it be to have everything we need: Jesus, a few clothes, enough food to give us the energy to serve, a few books, and clean water.

Why go to Africa? Why not just do it here? I want to start over. A life of nothing that provides everything in the end; rather than having everything in the beginning and nothing at the end. I desire to know the heart of Christ. I don't have to go to a third world country to find it, I know. I'd like to though. At least one with clean water.

But do I go? Do I carry my cross? Do I leave my worry behind... even while I'm in Auburn? Do I run? No. In my mind, that's not OK.