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Sunday, March 22, 2009

I'm painting my fingernails pink and cleaning out my closet. It's time for a fresh beginning to a hopeful end.

Can I just acknowledge for a second how incredibly beautiful everything is? The weather has been PERFECT. The dogwood trees are in bloom and I just back from the most beautiful island on the east coast. 

So I do what everyone does when Spring rolls around. Clean. Soak up the sun. And paint my fingernails a pretty pink. As for me, I also set goals on how to finish out the semester strong. I decided not to do any vigorous work over Spring Break and instead read my favorite Chick Lit novels (Judy Baer was my main gal) and type up a few notes from a class. Now I'm off to a fresh start and I'm ready for whatever comes my way. I think. I realize a lot of my previous posts have been pretty intense, so I wanted this one to be light-hearted and filled with where my heart and thoughts are currently. 

As you know, I turned 21 years old in February and I've been overly flustered. So these are my new goals, desires, and determinations. I will find myself. One of my favorite songs right now is "The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song)" by Copeland. The lyrics shoot arrows at my heart with impeccable aim:

What could be an anchor here, with a storm on the rise,
When you never meant to see so clear, when smoke gets in your eyes
And the men in the moon never makes his replies understood

I've got my life in a suitcase and ready to run run run away
I got no time cause I'm always trying to run run run away
Cause everyday when it feels like it's only a game I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

For a moment I was one man and the world made sense
For a moment in this storm made of consequence 

I've been so busy trying to run and get away from this life that has the potential of being so abundant and fruitful yet instead, I've been lost in the chaos of it. Once again, I've been searching for Truth and things have been foggy to me. I've allowed frustration and bitterness to decay my heart. I pack the small things I have assurance about into a small suitcase and run with that alone. I'm done with that though. I will find myself again. I will find Truth and I will seek Him out. In Him, I will find myself.

These are all excerpts from my journal. This one is my favorite. I all-out doodled. It was so releasing. I like to think of the left part of "reality" (empty and pretty boring sometimes) and the right part of "my world". Nobody understands it, and honestly I don't either. It's not supposed to make sense. If someone took an X-ray of my brain's thoughts... this would be what it looks like. Some might think of it as cluttered and random, but I see it as hopeful, cute, filled with memories, and still a section that is incomplete (or rather in process...). Reality is amazing but a lot of times, my imagination far outweighs my reality.  

Music is a part of me. If there were three things that were the core of my soul, they would be God, music and water. I am constantly immersed in all three and would be lost without each. Some random facts about me are that I am an Aquarius and my name means "white island" as well as "clear water". So I've taken it upon myself to live out the meaning and origin of my name. Though I don't believe in horoscopes and such, I do believe I have a connection with water. Just as my Savior and my music does, water showers peace over me. Just being around it, looking at the reflection of the trees or the stars on the still glass or salty swells, brings me serenity. I guess that's why I always sing when I'm near it or skiing on top of it... and I would sing to my "long lost sisters", or mermaids, in my younger years. 


Ok... so this is new. I'm not sure when, but I started really getting into superheroes. Not reading comic books necessarily, but rather creating them in my mind. These are just two that I drew out without even thinking about what their powers would be or anything like that. I just thought it would be a fun series to begin. I'm thinking of starting a painting series from it. I know. It's super Elementary, but I think it's kind of exciting and silly. That's who I am. 

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