And he touched my mouth and said: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Isaiah 6:7

Today, Jesus set me free skepticism, from doubt, and from a shaken faith. And for that, I am thankful. Fortunately, we see His salvation among people often because He is a living God… He sets us free from sin, from the chains that weigh us down so heavily from a life of grace and redemption. I have been waiting for this day for months. A day that He would break me, that I would shed tears over how abounding in grace He is and how much He has entangled me in that same grace. The day that I would come to the end of myself, my logic, and soar freely in the faith He has showered on me. He has brought me out of my Egypt and I can shout, “His love endures forever” without holding back. I know the full truth of that. I always hoped that this freedom would be between just God and me – not at a church, not because of what a friend said… but just words spoken directly from God to my soul. Well, it did happen at my church today, and I find goodness in that. As much as I let pride control my life, it was obviously in God’s plan to shatter my heart today… at church… because He does use that vessel, that catalyst, to speak to us. It was also a way of, once again, breaking down my pride. Pastor Chris Hodges reminded us that God doesn’t want us to feel condemned; He desires for us to be free in His love and find satisfaction in that. Romans 8:1-2 says, “Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit set me free from the law of sin and death.” Our Redeemer doesn’t want us to be burdened by the yoke of any type of slavery, and mine was skepticism. It was at that moment, God brought me out of the wilderness, the dry land and set me free. I have been praying this chapter over my life, waiting on Him to refine me and to bring me back into a life of purpose and pursuit:

The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad;

the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;

it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing.

The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it,

the majesty of Carmel and Sharon.

They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God.

Strengthen the weak hands, 

and make firm the feeble knees.

Say to those who have an anxious heart,

“Be strong; fear not!

Behold, your God

will come with vengeance,

with the recompense of God.

He will come and save you.”

Then the eyes of the blond shall be opened,

and the ears of the deaf unstopped;

then shall the lame man leap like a deer:

and the tongue of the mute sing for joy.

For waters break forth in the wilderness;

and streams in the desert;

the burning sand shall become a pool,

and the thirsty ground springs of water,

in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down,

the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

And a highway shall be there 

and it shall be called the Way of Holiness;

the unclean shall not pass over it.

It shall belong to those who walk on the way;

even if they are fools, they shall not go astray.

No lion shall be there,

not shall any ravenous beast come up on it;

they shall not be found there,

but the redeemed shall walk there.

And the ransomed of the Lord shall return

and come to Zion with singing;

everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; 

they shall obtain gladness and joy,

and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Isaiah 35

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On another note, my sorority had our formal Friday night and I wanted to share some pictures with you. My date was awesome and we completely danced the night away. I was really nervous about taking him, because we realized after I asked him that we had A LOT of differing views in the perspectives of politics, humor, religion, and alcohol. We were able to look beyond that and managed to have an awesome time regardless. It was really cool to take him because he hadn't been to any type of formal occasion since his Junior Prom (6 years). I think it meant a lot to him to have the chance to go. He was so excited about wearing a tuxedo and all. Although the night was great, we got back onto the bus and I was quickly reminded how thankful was that I took a guy that respected me as a woman and knew his alcoholic limits. I was deeply disappointed in the girls' dates because of their crude language and how wasted they were. It took everything in me to not turn around and tell the girl behind me how sorry I felt for her because of the way her date was talking to her. I would have if I didn't think he would punch me in the face... he's one of "those" guys it seemed. 

She Speaks 2009 Conference

One of my incredible friends from home, Mr. Randy, wrote me an e-mail the other day reminding me a very important truth that I prayed every morning in high school. I’m not sure when I stopped praying it every morning, but I hate that I have. My prayer was, “God, don’t let me miss it. I’m not sure what ‘it’ is for the day, but don’t let me miss it.” Maybe that’s why I have been missing it over the past few months. Or maybe I’ve been getting it all along. I don’t feel like I’ve been out of His will through my confusion and frustration; in fact, I believe with all of my heart that I have been in the center of His heart. “He rescued me because He delighted in me.” I know He will rescue me from this frustration and He will give me the strength to overcome it. I believe He will give me answers to my bewilderment because as mysterious as our Savior is, He is also a God of clarity. 

When I was 12-years-old, I knew God was calling me to be involved in some type of ministry. Yes, I thought He called me to serve as Panhellenic President too, but I know without a doubt that He called me to serve through ministry. If He didn’t, He wouldn’t have given me to opportunity to serve His kingdom through other positions in Panhellenic where I could freely claim His name and share His salvation weekly for two years. He has called me to ministry. A few weeks ago, I wrote on my shower tiles, “God, don’t let me miss it.” Now, every morning, I cry that out to the Lord.

My mom sent me an e-mail about 4 days ago about the Proverbs 31 Conference (Speaking, Writing and Leadership Conference). I can’t miss it. My heart is burdened for the young girls of this world to speak to them. Coming to college, I’ve seen hearts shattered; college women crying on the ground in the middle of the streets coming out from a bar; and women who just don’t know or understand the eternal Truth the Lord holds. It’s not “too late” for them, but I feel like it’s important to reach these girls at a younger age. Middle School. Because of the burden the Lord has laid so heavily on my heart for the purity of these women, I feel it’s best to start at that young of an age. They need to see that “blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God (Matthew 5:8),” and I feel like God is constantly building me and refining me so that I can spread this Truth among them at conferences and even maybe through writing. I can’t miss the Proverbs 31 Conference. I know it will be a continuance of my Savior refining my heart and instilling these burdens in me even more heavily.

I woke up this morning to a text from a man that I admire more than he will ever know because of his strength and satisfaction in the Lord. It said: “In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Live in light of that Truth, Whit. I know it’s hard to see but He really is leading you.” Barrett Grant has been a huge encouragement to me in every aspect of my life and has challenged me on end without even realizing he has. The Conference is one of the steps to the course I hope to follow throughout my life. God’s desire for me is to spread His Truth among the nations. His nation for me is the heart and purity of young ladies and I’m excited to be following in this small step to the course He has already set out for me.

I know I don’t deserve this scholarship for the Conference, because I deserve nothing. However, I know that I am worthy of it, because the Lord has made me worthy of deserving it – which is a fact that will forever baffle me. It would mean the world to me if I could receive this scholarship. My incredible parents have offered to pay for me to go, but it would be a huge blessing for my family and me if I received the opportunity to attend this conference with little fees. If you feel as though someone needs or deserves it more, please give it to them. This is it. I can't miss it. God won’t let me miss it. If I don’t receive the scholarship, I know He will provide the money elsewhere. Thank you, still, for the opportunity. I know I will be younger than most of the women there, but I am ecstatic to gain wisdom and hear Truth from you all. I can’t wait!  

*If you are interested in the Conference and would like to get more information, go to http://www.lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ or http://www.shespeaksconference.com. You can find out how to apply for the scholarship of Lysa TerKeurst's blog. Hope to see you there!

I'm painting my fingernails pink and cleaning out my closet. It's time for a fresh beginning to a hopeful end.

Can I just acknowledge for a second how incredibly beautiful everything is? The weather has been PERFECT. The dogwood trees are in bloom and I just back from the most beautiful island on the east coast. 

So I do what everyone does when Spring rolls around. Clean. Soak up the sun. And paint my fingernails a pretty pink. As for me, I also set goals on how to finish out the semester strong. I decided not to do any vigorous work over Spring Break and instead read my favorite Chick Lit novels (Judy Baer was my main gal) and type up a few notes from a class. Now I'm off to a fresh start and I'm ready for whatever comes my way. I think. I realize a lot of my previous posts have been pretty intense, so I wanted this one to be light-hearted and filled with where my heart and thoughts are currently. 

As you know, I turned 21 years old in February and I've been overly flustered. So these are my new goals, desires, and determinations. I will find myself. One of my favorite songs right now is "The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song)" by Copeland. The lyrics shoot arrows at my heart with impeccable aim:

What could be an anchor here, with a storm on the rise,
When you never meant to see so clear, when smoke gets in your eyes
And the men in the moon never makes his replies understood

I've got my life in a suitcase and ready to run run run away
I got no time cause I'm always trying to run run run away
Cause everyday when it feels like it's only a game I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

For a moment I was one man and the world made sense

For a moment in this storm made of consequence 

I've been so busy trying to run and get away from this life that has the potential of being so abundant and fruitful yet instead, I've been lost in the chaos of it. Once again, I've been searching for Truth and things have been foggy to me. I've allowed frustration and bitterness to decay my heart. I pack the small things I have assurance about into a small suitcase and run with that alone. I'm done with that though. I will find myself again. I will find Truth and I will seek Him out. In Him, I will find myself.

These are all excerpts from my journal. This one is my favorite. I all-out doodled. It was so releasing. I like to think of the left part of "reality" (empty and pretty boring sometimes) and the right part of "my world". Nobody understands it, and honestly I don't either. It's not supposed to make sense. If someone took an X-ray of my brain's thoughts... this would be what it looks like. Some might think of it as cluttered and random, but I see it as hopeful, cute, filled with memories, and still a section that is incomplete (or rather in process...). Reality is amazing but a lot of times, my imagination far outweighs my reality.  

Music is a part of me. If there were three things that were the core of my soul, they would be God, music and water. I am constantly immersed in all three and would be lost without each. Some random facts about me are that I am an Aquarius and my name means "white island" as well as "clear water". So I've taken it upon myself to live out the meaning and origin of my name. Though I don't believe in horoscopes and such, I do believe I have a connection with water. Just as my Savior and my music does, water showers peace over me. Just being around it, looking at the reflection of the trees or the stars on the still glass or salty swells, brings me serenity. I guess that's why I always sing when I'm near it or skiing on top of it... and I would sing to my "long lost sisters", or mermaids, in my younger years. 

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Ok... so this is new. I'm not sure when, but I started really getting into superheroes. Not reading comic books necessarily, but rather creating them in my mind. These are just two that I drew out without even thinking about what their powers would be or anything like that. I just thought it would be a fun series to begin. I'm thinking of starting a painting series from it. I know. It's super Elementary, but I think it's kind of exciting and silly. That's who I am. 

 

Tour of Collections

Tour of Collections

My beautiful mom started a tour of collections on her blog. Awesome, huh? She was so kind to send me pictures from home that she took of the many collections I have in my room (in Georgia). 

Don't be fooled. I didn't do this impeccable decorating in my room. My mom did it when I left for college. I found this rockin' clock at Target and she was creative enough to put it between my brown transferware collection. It looks timeless-eclectic. 

A few years ago I started collecting bottles. I worked at a different coffee shop than I work at currently and I told my boss that I collected old bottles, so he gave me a box full of old ones he had in his attic. The blue ones are my favorite! 

This is a collection of little trinkets I've accumulated over the years. A mini-Heinz ketchup from Eatonton, Georgia, that I took from the Country Club my good friend, Matt Rogers, and I ate at. The bowling shoe is from a night out with the Debutantes of Monroe my Senior year of high school... one of the girls accidentally walked out of the bowling alley with her shoes on and didn't realize it until we got 20 minutes outside of Athens... so we just kept the pair. By we, I mean I kept one and another girl kept the other. The matches are from my Junior Prom that I attended with Matt as well. We went to a lovely restaurant in Atlanta with a small group of close friends. There are many other trinkets but I can't exactly remember where all of them derived from. 
This collection holds many of my Willow Tree angels, but not all of them! These angels are extremely special to me because I've received them as gifts from so many people who have had a significant and noteworthy influence on my life. As you can tell, I collect many pictures and pictures frames as well. My mom made the one of Kevin and me, the frame is so cool! The rest are of high school friends and cheerleading years. 
This is the end of my collection tour... finishing off with my newest collection set. Johnson Brothers Historic-America Brown Transferware. My mom collects beautiful dishware and I would love nothing more than to continue to follow in her footsteps in this collection tradition. Between collecting unique and stunning dishware, as well as antiques, my home should include the same shabby-classic-southern, but sooo comfortable, home as my mom has created for our family.